Dear Howardena
Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher & Higher
Dear Howardena,
As I’ve been in my own clearing I’ve been resting, leisurely exploring, reading, & watching. I saw a video on Art21 about your life & your practice (is there a difference?). I can’t believe you are 82 now! But I’m simultaneously filled with gratitude for the fact that you have reached 82 years. Nikki Giovanni just passed away at 81 years old. Everytime we loose one of you, great Black Women artists, it feels deeply personal.
Somehow, you all have found ways to give pieces of myself back to me whole. Somehow, the work you have created of your lives & art has returned me to myself. When you depart, the world feels a little colder. It takes a bit longer to rise out of bed to do the work that is my life, my practice, & my writing. Even though I have never met most of you, knowing that we existed on this planet at the same time made doors burn down & ceilings non-existent. In that same breadth, when one of you departs I feel a door emerge—holding space for ways of interacting that was’t present before.
In this short documentary, you said "without our heart we have no life." It made me recall when bell hooks also spoke about the importance of the heart. In a conversation between bell & john a. powell, she recited something her preacher told her. bell’s preacher said, “your heart has to be ready to handle the weight of your calling—” (6:40).
I love that bell mentioned “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher & Higher” by Jackie Wilson. Music tends to come to me in the same way when I’m thinking things through. If bell used Jackie Wilson as a call my response would be “Higher Ground” by Stevie Wonder. Personally, I believe Stevie is the cherished eighth wonder of the world. Stevie’s musicality & lyricism is truly unmatched. I would respond with “Higher Ground,” from Innervisions (1973), because it expands on what bell was discussing. Additionally, Stevie’s song emphasizes what I imagine you must have felt throughout your career.
“Gonna keep on trying ‘till I reach my highest ground” — Stevie
You have been catapulted into mainstream spotlight in recent years. Institutions & critics who mocked you now review you with glorious reverence. Was the long journey of having your work not be understood part of your heart’s calling? You have buyers now, exhibition opportunities, & a wider audience but at a much later point in your life.
Time is something that is always on my mind as a Black Woman artist. I’m always grappling with how to stay rooted in the present & do the work. Not just the creative work, but the work of daily life that makes creation possible. The daily life of tending to family, staying open to noticing everything in my environment (even when I want to shut down), feeding myself, etc.
When you were asked in the doc if you ever thought you would be this big your response seemed indifferent. What use is the biggness of reach when it passes you in life’s most critical moments? Whose to say that being young & elderly aren’t both critical moments in life?
“It’s almost like it’s too late. It sounds strange, but, when I would’ve appreciated it, I guess when I was younger. I felt isolated. At that point, I didn’t have a dealer. Some of the rejections would be from white collectors. Why should I buy an abstract work from a Black person when I can get it from a White person? This is what Black Artists were running into” (9:21-10:04).
What does it mean to have a heart be ready to handle the weight of your calling? Can you prepare a heart to handle the weight of one’s calling? Did you?
I know this weight all too well. I imagine you also felt it when you made free, white, & 21 shortly after resigning from The Museum of Modern Art after 11 years. You continued pursing your art even when you faced backlash & severe criticism for it. When the art world chose not to support you, you continued supporting & pouring into your work yourself. The only plausible answer I currently have to the questions above is Stevie’s use of the word my in the song excerpt I’ve included earlier in this letter. “ ‘Till I reach my highest ground.” Maybe part of the journey is staying true to your gifts & passion so that you land on the highest ground meant uniquely for you. Even if that means waiting later in life. It’s better to reach what’s meant for you, regardless of a timeline, than to quickly reach a higher ground that feels foreign to your heart’s calling.
After sharing her preachers words, bell goes on to say that “part of my coming into that fuller sense of self-love is to not be ashamed to have to gather my own resources. The bell hooks institute so far is mainly supported by bell” (7:34). Is what I have admired about you all along, been a fierce declaration of self-love from the audacity to gather your own resources in spite of a hostile environment that tried to exile you?
You mentioned that your work matured in spite of a hostile environment (12:38). What does it mean to mature in spite of a hostile environment? A physical body’s maturation, a creative body of works maturation, a mind’s maturation. It’s beautiful to grow & mature out of spite. In a concrete jungle the rose still finds space to bloom. In brackish waters mangroves root deeper in water expected to choke them. In the filth of mud a lotus blooms. From red clay daisies grow. In spite of it all there was love.
To this day, free, white, & 21 is the most honest & impactful piece that continues to be a champion in my journey of maturation. A piece of work you created in the 80s still resonates today. Is what I have admired about you all along been your ability to gatherresources as a declaration of self love & your deep love for the work not rooted in external validation?
Your discussion of the practice of making art being a life source for you illuminates how you have persisted for over eight decades. If the opportunities come later, change their shape, or arrive when we are no longer at the entryway to life, the one things that keeps us breathing is how the work sustains us.
“And it’t not born of expecting recognition, I’m just doing my work” (14:02-14:13) . — Howardena
We unruly folk know that your work has long since been deserving of the lauded praise you are now receiving. However, we also now know that external recognition is not what has kept you here. External recognition is not what will keep us here. Returning to a practice that sustains you first & foremost frees you. So that hopefully, it will free someone else whenever they happen to witness your work.
When I stepped away from the Assemblage: Baby’s Breath publication to enter my personal Clearing last year I surprised myself. In the stillness, I was still writing, dreaming, & taking note of the things around me. I still showed up to my changing practice because it turns out it was fueling me all along. It never came down to the numbers or the amount of eyes on my work. It all went back to the process of seeing something in my mind, feeling it in my body as I piece the picture together, & the joy of releasing it from my hands so that I may be open to more. Here’s to keeping the work flowing through our minds, bodies, & hands with not only deep ease but deep pleasure.
with upward & open hands,
Kay Brown
🌀 Inside The Clearing
The Assemblage Definition & Black Women x Rest Quilted Syllabi have been available to view, interact with, & grow alongside within The Clearing! I will be facilitating a close looking/discussion of these quilts in our first Clearing Ceremony on Sunday, June 1st, 2025. Within The Clearing, we claim our unruly & wild imagination through the process of vernacular citational practice & study.
This is also the space for unruly folks to bring their reflection, questions, or observations from the guided prompts in The Clearing Library to discuss them with others. We will challenge definitive theory & of course open up conversation about how to metabolize it. To receive an invitation to The Clearing Ceremony you must enroll in The Clearing prior to June 1st, 2025. Feel free to share the flyer below & this piece with fellow unruly folks in your community. I hope to see you from within The Clearing!
Please remember if you choose to quote this piece, share this piece, or any piece on this publication to always CITE BLACK WOMEN. Please always include my name (Kay Brown she/her pronouns) and a link to the publication of the Assemblage: Baby’s Breath substack in your sharing practice.
To further support my writing practice, receive additional offerings that connect to my pieces, & be the first to hear about other ways to engage in the theory of Assemblage, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
Lastly, remember that referrals are now available! This means you get to speak the name Assemblage: Baby’s Breath out loud to your community while receiving unique grounded gathered gifts from me. Thank you for being here 💙.